


just a little selfish

by aizensosuke



Series: the dreamers and the lovers [9]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Conversations, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Healthy Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Introspection, M/M, Mating Bites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 17:48:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17349764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aizensosuke/pseuds/aizensosuke
Summary: hisagi keeps kensei at bay because of a secret that runs deeper than skin.





	just a little selfish

The mating mark is a circle of white scar tissue on the inside of his left thigh.

Hisagi Shuhei expected it to be faded from existence when he woke up three days after Tousen Kaname walked away from their pack and left everything behind him when he went. Not that Hisagi can blame him. If he had the chance to start his life fresh, he would hardly want to drag along some pathetic snivelling beta who needs constant reassurance and promises that everything is fine, whose anxiety can overwhelm him even on the best of days. Of course the man who was meant to love him forever never loved him at all.

In a cruel sort of way, it makes sense. Hisagi would move on with his life, knowing he was as unwanted as he always suspected he was, and the mark would fade. Betas carrying mating marks from alphas is rare as it is especially when there is no omega in the picture, but Hisagi understands now. Tousen took the path of least resistance, chose an effective cover in Hisagi, and defied expectation by using him as nothing more than a cover.

When three weeks have passed and the mark is still etched into his skin, Hisagi finds himself sitting in the bottom of the shower, fingers pressed to the scar tissue.

Mating marks are the strongest bond their kind share with one another, a synergy of the souls that allowed them to sense each other even across great distances, a bond stronger than anything else in the world. Such a bond could be easily rejected of course; the mating mark on his thigh would fade and his mood would tank for weeks as he grieved the loss of a love that was supposed to last until his dying day. When Tousen left, Hisagi fully expected the mark on his thigh to disappear before long and braced himself for the breakdown.

The pack would think him a fool to care at all. To be so close that he slept in Tousen’s arms every single night and never saw his betrayal coming, but all Hisagi saw was the kind, soft-spoken man who soothed his worries, claimed his inadequacies were nonexistent, and promised to be there for him. Promised right up until he walked away.

The mark persists and Hisagi lets the hot water pound down onto his shoulder blades as he studies it; the shape of it and the texture are long since imprinted in his mind. He compares his mental picture to the one on his thigh, finds no difference, and is left to wonder why Tousen has not gone through with what seems the most logical choice.

Having a bond here in the pack should only weigh him down and weaken his resolve.

When Muguruma Kensei first drops down beside him in the thick, rich green grass after a run with the pack, Hisagi is hesitant and shy. Kensei was a man he looked up to growing up, a confident and powerful alpha who seemed unshakeable. To have Kensei approach him when he feels at his weakest and most pitiful feels like a karmic punishment.

Kensei’s voice is low, rough and warm. His hands, just as rough, are even warmer.

“Easy, Shuhei.” Kensei’s hand is pressed into the small of his back now, holding him in place while Hisagi, hands frantic, pulls at the bottom of his sleeveless shirt. “Calm down.”

That was  _ years _ ago. Hisagi noses under Kensei’s jaw, breathing in his scent, the barely-contained scent of arousal heavy under his skin. He controls his scent better than any alpha Hisagi has ever known, and betas are almost always able to pick up on all of the little things. Like the fact that Kensei’s face always falls when Hisagi pushes his hands away from his own jeans, insistent he can take care of himself, or that giving Kensei what he wanted was more than enough for him. He feels bad about it. The man only wants to make his boyfriend feel good, and Hisagi never has good excuses for him.

No one else knows the mark is still there. When Kira asked about it— months after the fact, when he could mention the situation without tearing up over Gin— Hisagi confirmed it was faded away and he did most of his crying alone at night when the bed was cold.

It was partially true. He did cry, but not because he was being forced to.

But tonight… Tonight is different. Somehow, the more they discover about Aizen’s pack out in the woods, the freer Hisagi feels. Tousen is there; Hisagi knows he is. After their two messengers came back from their duty, Hisagi took Ishida aside and asked him if he noticed a black alpha there with braided hair and blind eyes, an alpha whose soothing scent and calm demeanor seemed like an unshakeable beacon of certainty.

He did, and God help him, but Hisagi feels emboldened knowing  _ his alpha _ is so near.

“Sorry, sorry,” he murmurs, letting Kensei take over, pulling his own shirt up and off and Hisagi almost swallows his tongue at the sight of him, as he always does. So much muscle, more than Hisagi could ever hope to pack onto his own frame. Broad shoulders, scars from battles long since won, the dark ink at the center of his chest.

Kensei’s fingers brush over the matching ink on Hisagi’s cheekbone. “How do you feel?”

“I’m fine. I just… I don’t know. I guess I’m riled up about everything.” He doesn’t need to specify; the moonlight slanting in through the window above their futon is enough for him to see Kensei’s thoughtful, concerned gaze as his hand slips down Hisagi’s throat.

Though Kensei wanted to help him, to be his shoulder when the pain was still raw and fresh, Hisagi refused to let him. He kept him at a distance until he felt comfortable and safe around him, like the tears that broke through so easily at night were at no risk of escaping during the day. Had he known Kensei desperately wanted to pursue him, he might have hurried his own reaction to Tousen’s absence just so he wouldn’t have to feel so alone.

This is just as good, though. Kensei’s hand cups the back of his neck and draws him forward into a kiss, one that makes his toes curl and his stomach twist into a hard, warm knot that makes him squirm. Perched on Kensei’s hips like this, his knees digging into the futon beneath him, he can feel the hard press of Kensei’s erection against his backside and wonders if tonight will be the night he finally lets Kensei have him.

If tonight will finally be the night Kensei sees Tousen’s mark on his thigh.

“All right, baby.” Kensei’s hands slide up his bare sides and then back down to where Hisagi’s waistband lays against his skin, fingers dipping just beneath the denim. “You finally gonna let me see you naked, or is this just gonna be about me again?”

Hisagi laughs down at him, ignoring the hot flush crawling up his neck. “You’re the first alpha I’ve ever met who wouldn’t just want to lie back and get what he wants.”

“You don’t let me take care of you. Bruises the hell out of my alpha pride and ‘sides, doesn’t seem right you don’t get anything.” One hand drifts across Hisagi’s lip, thumb stroking over the seam of his fly. “Especially when I want to see you writhing underneath me.”

“Even if I’m not what you really think I am?” Hisagi persists, his hips bucking forward.

Kensei rolls his eyes. “The hell is that supposed to mean? Let me strip you.”

When Hisagi only nods and makes no move to stop him, Kensei’s hands grow bolder, undoing the fly of Hisagi’s jeans and spreading the denim open to reveal the thin white cotton of his briefs beneath, his erection pressed against the cotton. It’s when he gets the denim around Hisagi’s knees, pausing to grope at the flesh of his thighs, that he stops and pushes himself up on his elbows, his eyes fixed on the space between Hisagi’s thighs.

More importantly, his gaze is focused on the inside of Hisagi’s thigh.

“What was that?” he asks, voice low and concerned. “A scar? Did someone hurt you, baby?”

“No.” Hisagi spreads his thighs wider, flushing when Kensei presses up against him. “Stop that and feel it properly. You should know what it is by the shape.”

Of course, Kensei humors him. He rubs the pads of his fingers over the mating mark, a bemused little smile on the edges of his lips, until it abruptly falls. “This is a mating mark.”

“Yes.” Hisagi watches the play of emotion across Kensei’s face— confusion, uncertainty, hesitation, a slight touch of anger. “You know where it came from, don’t you?”

“I do.” Kensei moves his fingers away from the mark. “So why are we doing this?”

“Because I want to? He left me, didn’t he?” Hisagi’s heart thumps a little more furiously against his ribs and he tries not to think too hard about it, not really in the mood to lose his erection. He knew this conversation would have to come one day.

Kensei heaves a sigh and nods, rubs his hands over Hisagi’s hips, but he doesn’t make an attempt to pull his underwear down. “Shuhei, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I know what the mark being there means. I… I’ve made my peace with it a long time ago.” The fact that Tousen never rejected him is something he never forgets. How could he? “But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.”

“You could reject the mark, you know,” Kensei says, his voice meaningful.

Hisagi’s shoulders jump in a small little shrug. “I know, but… I don’t know. Part of me feels stupid for holding out for him the same way he’s holding out for me.”

“Probably he expects you’re going to leave the pack one day and come join him. Especially now that you know where he is, that he’s just out in the trees.” Kensei tilts his head, as if pointing to the woods himself. To Aizen’s pack, secreted away. “I’m surprised you haven’t.”

The comment draws a nervous little laugh from Hisagi and he shifts off of Kensei’s lap, kicking his jeans off and sitting down on the futon in just his underwear. Talking about Tousen always makes him feel oddly naked. “I couldn’t leave. This pack took me in when I had nothing and no one. You should remember. You were the one who found me.”

“I remember that,” Kensei murmurs. “You were seven years old and on the edge of dying and I carried you home. Sojun was a good alpha. He was happy to take you in.”

Hisagi nods, pulling his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on top of them as he remembers that day, the heaviness in his limbs and the gnaw of hunger in his gut. He remembers his cheek resting against Kensei’s chest, the firm heavy beat of the man’s heart against his skin and the reassuring warmth of his arms. The tattoo on his face stung for days but Hisagi never wants to forget the man who saved his life when he was young.

“I had the biggest crush on you when I was a kid,” Hisagi remembers, laughing, dragging his heel along the futon. Kensei was just a teenager at the time, but he seemed so impossibly mature. “But you were always attached at the hip to Shinji, so I just—”

Kensei rolls over, slides an arm around his waist. “Yeah. I would’ve walked out of this pack with him if I didn’t have you here to anchor me. Probably be out there freezing my ass off in the snow, too. Guess I owe you for that, pretty baby.”

Face heating, Hisagi shoves his face into his knees. “Stop that. Don’t you miss them?”

“Of course I do. I’ll always miss them, but it was their choice to make. ‘Sides, you still miss Tousen, don’t you?” When Hisagi only gives a quick, jerky nod in answer, Kensei’s arm tightens around his waist, pulling him down into the futon. “So we’re in a similar boat here. Doesn’t mean anything, though. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

“That’s how I feel.” Hisagi sprawls out on his side, hooking a leg over Kensei’s hips. “If it’s a problem, though, I get it. I know alphas are touchy about things like that.”

Kensei huffs but kisses him, lips tracing a delicate path down Hisagi’s chest, mouthing over the cotton on his hip before he breathes soft and warm over the bite mark on Hisagi’s thigh. “I’m not as touchy as most alphas. I don’t care if another man’s mouth is on your body, or if his teeth are in your skin. As long as you still call yourself mine.”

Hisagi shivers when Kensei’s tongue runs over the scar on his thigh, his eyes squeezing shut as his nerves all seem to prickle at once. “You know I’m yours. I told you that.”

“My pretty boy.” Kensei’s teeth scrape over the mark and Hisagi squeaks, twisting to press his mouth against the pillow beneath his head. “You really still love him, huh?”

The juxtaposition makes Hisagi’s head spin and he looks down at Kensei, who stares up at him brown eyes made brighter by the moonlight. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Just curious. You must still love him, and obviously he still loves you. That’s why this is here, right?” Kensei drags the flat of his tongue over the mating mark on his thigh, and Hisagi whines soft and high in his throat at the sight, the warm wetness against his skin. “If he comes back, what happens then? You gonna go back to him?”

Before he can answer, Kensei tilts his head, sucking hard on the soft flesh of Hisagi’s unmarked thigh until Hisagi’s head falls back on a soft moan. He feels the scrape of teeth but not the bite, just the promise of one— Later, when they’ve talked about it, when Kensei has sunk himself so deep into Hisagi’s body that the two of them parting will feel foreign and wrong. But for now, just lips and tongue and the promise of more.

Kensei exhales against his crotch and Hisagi squirms; the underwear is thin, and Kensei’s breath is hot and damp. “Would you leave me and go back to him if he came back?”

“Would you ask me to choose?” Hisagi asks, peeking down at Kensei once more.

“Choose? Oh yeah, baby, I want you to make a choice. Call it alpha pride or what you will, but you gotta, right?” Kensei rests his cheek against Hisagi’s thigh, sighs up at him. “I just want to know what’s going to make you happy. That’s the choice that matters to me. Not so much the man you choose, but as long as you do what you gotta do to be happy.”

The answer is far from the one that Hisagi expects from him and it makes something in his chest curl up small and warm around his heart. A small smile tugs at his lips and Kensei grins, surges up between his legs to kiss him, teeth tugging at his lips until Hisagi moans and kisses him back, arms curling around his neck to pull him as close as he can. Their bodies fit so perfectly together that it makes Hisagi feel ridiculously happy; if he’d been in wolf form, his tail would be wagging faster than any eyes could detect.

“If that bastard drags himself back here to you like he  _ should, _ ” Kensei says, and Hisagi huffs at him.  _ Don’t call my mate a bastard.  _ “If he comes back to you and gets down on his knees and apologizes, and you’re happy he’s home, and you want me to go, I will. I won’t say a cruel word to you. But if you want  _ both _ of us, then I say you should be as damned selfish as you want to be. Fuck knows you’re owed it after all of this.”

That… Is far too selfish of a thought to have, to imagine Kensei mouthing at his chest, tongue flicking over Hisagi’s nipples while Tousen’s hands wandered lower, his low husky voice warm in Hisagi’s ear. Two handsome alphas with their hands and mouths and attention firmly focused on him, both of them telling him how beautiful, how responsive, how proud they are of him and how they just want to devour him—

Hisagi is panting by the time Kensei mouths over the front of his underwear, laughing when Hisagi moans and bucks toward his mouth. “That’s my pretty beta. You feeling good?”

“I always feel good when I’m with you.” Hisagi runs his fingers through Kensei’s hair, gasping when Kensei’s eyes bleed gold for just a moment. “K-Kensei—”

Kensei flips him onto his back, hands yanking his underwear down his thighs. “I’m going to show you just how good you should feel every day. Until you tell me to stop, I’m going to raze you to the fucking ground, Shuhei.”

By the end of the night, every muscle in Hisagi’s body is relaxed and slack beneath his skin, his mouth hanging open with the occasional soft whine leaving his lips. Kensei is knotted inside of him, head resting against his shoulder, breathing soft against the side of his neck. In the back of his mind, Hisagi is imagining a mark bitten into his other thigh, one to match the one he’s already wearing. He imagines Tousen’s hands on his face, soft praise whispered against the shell of his ear, and then Kensei bites down gently on his neck.

“Go to sleep, baby boy,” he says softly. “I’ll be right here with you when you wake up.”

Hisagi dully remembers Tousen saying something along the same lines, but he thinks he can expend just a little more trust this time around.

**Author's Note:**

> uwu~ i love hisagi/kensei. also maybe things aren't as simple as they seem.


End file.
